Life Lessons

I've been pondering this choice for over a year. Wondering how I would feel once I had a tattoo. Going back and forth between worrying what people might think and thinking to myself 'Who cares what people might think?!?'

The one thing that never really waivered - was where or what the tattoo would be. There were a few maybes - what would the words look like? (Font is important.) Would I add a small swallow curving around the edges? (Only if it won't detract from the words - the words are most important.) But despite the maybes, the message - the message always stayed the same.

Of all the life lessons I've had to learn in recent years - this is one that has repeated itself over and over. (Ad nauseum.) It's the one I struggle with the most.

Let go.

I'm a worrier. An anal-retentive control freak. I get very anxious about details and logistics and little nitty gritty questions about the whats and hows. I get all wound up over things completely out of my control and do everything I can to keep those things to a minimum.

What I've been trying, for ages, to get myself to realize is that there's really not that much I can do about... well... most anything and life is at it's best when I just let go. It's not in my nature and I need constant reminding and thus the tattoo - a (quite literally) constant - permanent - reminder to let go.

I'm trying to be better to myself lately. Letting myself stumble. Mess up. Be sad. Make big decisions. Far too often in my life I have kept myself in a box all sealed up with packing tape and padded with bubble wrap. But what I've realized is that doesn't mean I have fewer scars - it just means that fewer of my scars have been of my own choosing.

This small section of skin stained with ink is, actually, a scar - not only by choice but of my own design. And I'm proud of it. It means a lot to me. To me, it is a statement about me being true to myself. In two words, just one short sentence, I say more to myself than just let go.

A lot more.