Not-So-Lazy Food Lover

Some of you will remember a post I wrote a while back about how much I love to eat – and hate to cook.  Well, still being on leave now that Colin is back at work has given me the opportunity to try to better balance that equation a bit.  Every night this week, save last night when we had leftovers, I've cooked up a homemade, good-for-us, real-deal-meal for dinner. 

I know it may seem counterintuitive, a post about food right after a post about weight loss?  But it really isn't.  For me, the problem with weight loss IS food.  They're inextricably linked because my problem with my weight mostly derives from a problem I have overeating foods that are terrible for me.  I've long known that if only I could conquer what I eat, I could conquer (most of) my problem with my weight.  (As evidenced by the 2 pounds I've lost this week without even working out.)

I have to admit, I've actually really enjoyed this week.  I had fun last weekend plotting out the menu and Monday with Grady shopping for the fresh foods I needed, and I've loved making a big mess in the kitchen night after night before sitting down with my family to a warm, tasty spread. 

Colin and I have repeatedly over the years talked about how we need to eat out less and we'll do okay for a while – but we inevitably regress to old habits.  This time I'm determined it will be different – and since our whole lives are different, it should be relatively easy to use that off-kilter feeling to build new habits.  It also helps that right now I'm home and when I go back to work, I'm not going back full-time; so I have the time, and will continue to have the time, to feed my family the right way.

This week that has included parmesan-crusted chicken with roasted new potatoes, turkey meatloaf with corn and green beans, and turkey meatballs with homemade marinara and whole wheat spaghetti.  Last night we made a dent in the leftovers but tonight, tonight is family date night (we don't have to eat in EVERY night!).

Having Grady around makes all of my bad habits stand out and look even worse – mostly because I realize that if I can't kick my bad habits before he gets old enough to emulate me, I risk teaching him all the things I hate most about myself.  And if these are habits I don’t even want to have myself, I sure as heck don't want my beloved son to have them!  It is imperative that I build healthier habits in myself now, so that I can pass them on to him later.

I can think of no better motivation than that to pull out my cookbooks, roll up my sleeves and get cookin'.

Cold hard truth.

I was going to write a post explaining my reasons for rejoining the Facebook fold after almost five years of griping about the site but, you know, I've decided against that.  I don't need to explain that.  I'm returning because after five years I've finally been worn down about it and because I just wanted to.  And really, that's that.

I think, instead, I will spend the space on something a little more personal.  It's a hairy, complicated issue and I could say it in a million different ways but I will say it like this:

I miss wearing my wedding ring.

This is a subtle way of acknowledging that I still have pregnancy pounds to lose.  A lot of pregnancy pounds. 

You see, I gained more weight (read: a lot more weight) during my pregnancy than the 'recommended' amount but to be honest, I really have no idea how I was supposed to be regulating my weight gain since I couldn't diet.  I realize I could have spent more time working out but, being a worrier, I was anxious about over-exerting myself, falling or otherwise injuring my precious baby cargo.  So instead I chose to accept the weight gain and worry about it after delivery when Grady's life was no longer so intricately linked to my own physical well-being.

Which is where I am now.

My sweet son is now almost 7 weeks old and thus the time has arrived for me to get serious about getting my healthy body back.  Well, I shouldn't say I'll get my body back – I won't get any semblance of my old body back – but I can get a healthier body than this one I have now. 

Initially, I had planned to go back to MFP since I had such wonderful success with it last year but… I haven't been doing very well with it. I've been losing weight but I think that has more to do with other factors than my actual diet or exercise.  (In fact, I know it does.)  I'm beginning to think I need something more structured.  After talking with my mom about it this weekend, I think I'm going to go back to Weight Watchers.

It's difficult to admit things like this because in our society there is such a stigma surrounding those of us who struggle with our weight.  I will always struggle with my weight because I LOVE to eat and I'm not very good with portion control – so I've decided it would be best for me to get past the stigma, awkwardness and shame about this issue by just embracing it as a personal struggle, admitting it to myself and everyone else and moving on with the process of fighting it.  I recently discovered the blog of the Weight Watchers CEO (ManMeetsScale.com) and his openness about his own struggles with healthy living have made me realize that to act as if I'm not bothered by or working on my weight is to do myself the disservice of being ashamed of something that I should be proud of.

So here I am, laying it out there.  I'll do my best not to whine about my weight-loss efforts here but know that it might periodically come up because I am determined to make an all-around healthy life an integral part of this new post-baby reality and so it might bleed over into these pages as I work to figure out what it looks like and how it works.  If you're struggling with similar issues, know that you are not alone and that I am right there with you.  I will always be right there; even once I lose the weight, I know that maintenance will be a lifetime work-in-progress. 

But what I've recently decided is that there is nothing wrong with being a work-in-progress.  In fact, as a perpetual student, I thoroughly enjoy that state intellectually so why not revel in it physically as well?  I have nothing to be ashamed of until I give up.

So I refuse to give up.