- Katherine B. Weissman
I was reading a magazine article the other day when this
quote just reached out and smacked me right in the face. Do you ever have that happen? You’re just reading along, minding your own
business, and it’s like the author says “Hey - you! Yes, you!
I know exactly what you’re thinking in the back of your brain where you
aren’t really focused on my article. And
THIS is what you need to hear.”
No? I’m the only one
who has entire conversations in my head with complete strangers/authors who most certainly
aren’t speaking directly to me? Too bad. It really can be quite illuminating.
In this particular instance, this quote pairs rather well
with something that I’ve been contemplating recently and it all adds up to the
same message: Get a move on. What are
you waiting for? It could be that
tomorrow that you’re waiting on won’t ever get here.
I recently learned something about myself that I really
already knew but to be honest, I’m rather thick-headed and need things to just
come up and slap me like the aforementioned quote. I realized that I’m incredibly susceptible to
encouragement. Like, stupidly so. I had someone encourage me recently to take a
step forward on a dream project ‘if it’s something I really have [my] heart set
on’ and they didn’t actually even know exactly what they were encouraging me to
do. All they knew was that it was
something I wanted and by darn it, if it means something to me then I should go
after it!
I left that lunch that day feeling exhilarated. “I SHOULD do this! I want to!
Why am I hesitating?”
In truth, I’m hesitating because of the following
reasons: 1) I’m scared I’ll get
overwhelmed and won’t finish, and 2) I’m scared people will think I’m an idiot
for even attempting it.
To which I say: 1) Surely not finishing for whatever reason
might cause me to not finish wouldn’t be nearly as terrible as never starting,
and 2) when do I allow myself the grace to not give a crap what other people
think? When do I grow up and put on my
big-girl pants and just accept the fact that people are not always going to
agree with me (or even like me)? I’ve
realized just how much of my time (and the resultant posting on this blog) goes
into worrying about other people’s criticism and it’s really beginning to bug
me.
You see, the flipside to being susceptible to encouragement
is that I am also very susceptible to DIScouragement. I am keenly aware of other people’s lack of
excitement for something I’m working on and it tends to infect my own feelings
about it. And really it’s just sad because
it means I place my emphasis too heavily on what others think - despite my
projection of a confident woman, I’m really just a little girl
begging for approval.
Well phooey on that. I
don’t have forever to wait for that someday in the sun where everyone around me
agrees with my dreams for myself and lavishes me with overwhelming amounts of
encouragement to strike out and finally make my path one of my own choosing. That day WILL NEVER (not just MAY never but
WILL never) come and it’s just about darn time I accept that fact and move the
hell on with it.
So that’s what I’m attempting to do. I have taken step one. I have started down the path. It’s going to be a windy one and it’s going
to take a long time to reach the end.
But in my mind’s eye, this new path is a shady one, wandering beside a
little stream with lots of trees and flowers and the sound of birds hidden
somewhere up in the branches overhead.
It’s pretty here, and quiet, and I can hear the beat of my own heart and
feel the grass between my toes. This won’t
be a bad place to be alone, if that is what I have to be to walk it.
I know I won’t really be alone. I’m a pretty lucky girl in the cheering section
department, despite the detraction of a few cranky-butts in the audience. But the important thing really, at least
right now, at least to me, is that I have to be ready and willing TO be alone if
necessary. I can’t place my emphasis
outside of myself - it needs to be focused within. On what my
heart says I need and on where my
feet want to take me. I have to figure
out how to manage that shift in focus away from the encouragement of others,
even when they do choose to give it.
The important thing is not to NEED their encouragement,
which is where I am now. I have to get
to where it’s just icing on the proverbial cupcake.
Mmmmm... cupcake...
Mmmmm... cupcake...
1 comment:
Ok you - what ARE you doing? I absolutely have to know!!
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