think think think

This past month or so that I’ve been back to work full time has been… a learning experience.  It feels like so much gets crammed into every week and weekend between work and home and Grady and Colin being smack in the middle of his crazy season that it feels as if time is flying by.  And at the same time crawling miserably slow.  Will the end of full-time ever get here?  Can I make it?

I know I can but forgive the dramatics.  It’s been tough.  Being full-time while Colin is working ridiculous hours has turned into a perfect storm that has left our family a little off-kilter lately.  Colin and I are really reclusive homebodies at heart that feel most grounded when we have ample time together as a family and also time alone as individuals.  Neither of which has been available recently.

We’re making it through but this period in our lives has certainly challenged us to consider what our lives are like now, what we want them to be like and how we accomplish that.  We’ve been doing a pretty good job over the past few years of checking off the short-term goals we had established but now we need to look further.  What does the future look like and how do we get there?

I love times like these for us.  Colin and I are pretty good at entertaining together what might start out as crazy ideas that then follow one of two paths.  They either get chunked in the ‘that is just ludicrous’ bin or we revisit them.  And revisit them.  And revisit them.  Over and over until all of a sudden we realize we’re no longer talking about hypotheticals and silly fantasies – we’re talking plans and commitments.

I like that about us.  We’re planners.  Always thinking.  Overanalyzing.  But when you put us together and give us enough time to make a dream seem like a possibility, we then start talking not about the what but about the how.  And the why.  And then the… why not?

I know it’s a dreadful tease because I’m not going to tell you what it is yet that we might be planning.  It’s too early yet to say if it’s going to come off or not or if we’ll scrap it for something else.  But I do know that change is coming for our little family.  It has to.  This crazy, over-the-top, never-together life we’re in right now just isn’t us.  It feels like an old outfit that I’ve pulled out of the back of the closet to try to weasel back into and it still doesn’t fit quite right.  We’ve been turning it over, this way and that, trying to decide if it’s just the angle we’re looking at but I don’t think it is.  You can’t dress this up and make it better than it is. 

You have to either accept it or choose to change it.  And I think we’re going to change it.  At least, I hope so.