Fears

And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
-TS Eliot, The Waste Land

Part of this quote appeared last night on an episode of Bones and it got me thinking. (I know, right? Inspiration from TV? Forgive. But this will give you some insight into the wacky mental leaps I make during prime time TV.) It made me wonder – what do we truly fear? What do I fear?

I think it’s a harder question than we probably allow for. We think fear as an emotion, and certainly its source, is easy to determine. But I think that’s probably oversimplifying something that is actually very complicated.

I’m a notorious fraidy-cat. I don’t like amusement rides, flying, or heights. But I’m not afraid of the possibility of death through those things – which I’m sure is what a lot of people might assume. I’m afraid of pain (and my potential inability to handle it), and even moreso of disability. I fear being unable to walk on the beach with my family, or use my arms to hold my husband or use my eyes to watch my nephews grow or my mouth to experience and appreciate all the food there is to fill my tummy with. The human body to me seems a fragile thing and it is not lost on me how lucky I am to be whole and fully functioning. And I worry about losing that blessing.

I also fear loss. I love the people in my life with a strength of emotion that leaves me paralyzed at the thought of the loss of any one of them. I can bring myself to hysterical tears just with the thought (to be embarrassingly honest). I am the same way with my pets – it has been just a month since we lost Daly but I still dissolve into sorrow when I think of him the same as I did the day he didn’t wake up.

And I fear the exact intent behind the quote above. Obsolescence. Lack of impact. Passing out of this world without leaving either mark or memory. And really, who doesn’t fear that? Who doesn’t fear that tomorrow we might be gone and no one, not a single soul, would feel our absence?

How could that idea not be terrifying?

Life is tough. It can be beautiful and fun and deliciously complicated but it is tough. Hard on the heart. Who wants to think that we have gone through all that we have each gone through for nothing?

I am quite sure that doesn’t apply to most of us (we all have our parents, right?). But it is something to consider as you go through your life. What are you afraid of? How does it hinder or drive you? And what can you do to ensure those fears do not become realities?

Even if it springs from a TV show, I think, it’s still a pretty important train of thought. Something to consider. Our fears can drive us, if we aren’t careful. Do what you can to make sure that such is not the case for you.